In My World

In My World

In my world when I hear the word flush I think of a syringe, not a toilet.

When I hear the word tank I think of oxygen, not gas.

When I hear a cough it’s time to get out a burp cloth, sometimes two, maybe even three. The tongue curls and watch out, I hope it doesn’t get on me!

When I say I need an extension I know what you think, I’m trying to make my hair long again and be 23. No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying Emma needs to eat.

Other moms want their babies to keep stuff out of their mouths. I am constantly hoping that mine will put something in.

If the electricity goes out you might think, “oh, this will be fun.” I think “crap, I hope Emma’s pump is charged” and “it’s a good thing we’ve got extra tanks”.

A trip to the store requires lots of things: a tank, a button, sometimes a pump, a handful of burp cloths, and oh yah, don’t forget the toys (remember, the ones we want her to put in her mouth).

The one you might think is oddest of all is when I say I have to “plug her in”. I’m not sure what you think that means, but that means Emma has to eat.

If you come to my house and you hear a beeping noise, please don’t be alarmed.

It’s not the smoke detector, it’s Emma’s pump. One beep means she’s done eating. If it’s two, it means she’s out of food. What if it’s three? I don’t know, don’t ask me. If it’s three let’s go get out her owners manual and we’ll see.

In my world when I hear the word button I’m thinking about Emma’s feeding tube, not your jeans.

When you see a onesy you think “oh, isn’t that cute”. I think, “yah those don’t normally work out”.

When I hear a baby crying I know Emma is tired, because she is normally very happy, the happiest baby you’ll see.

When I see a baby crawling or walking I think “When?”

When I see a baby eating I think “When?”

When I see a baby being carried with no tubes attached I think “When?”

But more importantly,

When I see another baby I think “She’s not as cute as mine”

When I see another baby I think “She’s not as strong as mine”, and

When I see another baby I think “She’s not as happy as mine”.