Inchstones

I recently stumbled across a website where a mom spoke of inchstones, instead of milestones, and I have incorporated this into my way of thinking. A baby sits up, rolls over, crawls, and walks. These are the milestones they teach you about in the "what to expect with your baby" books. If your baby meets these milestones it's like putting a check mark next to the box and continuing to the next chapter. When your baby doesn't meet these milestones, it can be frustrating. You want your child to have the ability to do what all the others their age are doing. When you are chasing after your one year old in a store you wish they would just stay still. When your child is 22 months old and not mobile, you wish it were the other way around. You wish you could be that mother chasing down their child hiding in the clothes racks at the store, jumping up and down throwing a tantrum. Not because you want your child to be that out of control child, but simply because they can do it. They can, and yours can't. When progress is slow you have to think about milestones in a new way.

One recent inchstone we experienced with Emma is sitting in the front of a shopping cart. I know, this sounds so simple and so uneventful. Why would any mother be excited that their child can sit in a shopping cart. Emma could not sit in the front of a shopping cart until about a month ago (~21 months old). Prior to this, we had to use an infant car seat. She was too big for an infant car seat for travel, but we had to carry around an extra car seat (infant size so that it could fit in the front of the cart), transfer Emma from her car seat into the infant seat in the front of the shopping cart. If you set her in the shopping cart without this she wasn't strong enough to sit up with just the shopping cart buckle. One day I decided it was the day to try her without the infant car seat. That's right, try to sit her in a shopping cart solo. It really wasn't a matter of deliberation over whether she was ready or not. It was more simple, I didn't have the extra seat with me! So, I tried it. I buckled her in and wrapped my jacket around her to prop her up so she wouldn't slump down. It worked! By the time we got to the cashier I found myself needing to reprop the jacket around her for support. We still have to put a jacket around her or else she will slump to the side, but I'm confident some day we will be able to remove the extra cushion. I don't know when that day will be. I can't look that up in a book of milestones because it's not there. It will be another inchstone that she'll surprise me with someday.

Thinking about milestones is hard, but thinking about inchstones gives shorter interval goals that gives you a sense of growth and development too. With Catie I would have never even given second thought about putting a 22 month old in a shopping cart. I was that mother that was chasing their child out of the clothing racks. She wasn't the out of control child, but she did meet all her milestones and I checked off the boxes without even thinking about them. Now, I don't know when I will check off the boxes and move to the next chapter. But that's okay. Sometimes it doesn't feel okay, but most of the time it is okay. When she surprises me by meeting an inchstone that you don't even anticipate, that makes it okay.